It's in My Belly

 My great niece Jana… bought three guppies for her three kids. Real cute, right? Three kids, three fish, everything balanced. We’re talking Pinterest-level parenting.

Day one: one fish dies. Okay, sad, but it happens. Now they’re down to two

Jana walked by the tank one day and—wait a second—there is only one guppy swimming around. No floater. No funeral. Just… one.

Jana asked her daughter Violet, “Honey, what happened to the other guppy?”

And Violet, without missing a beat, goes: “It’s in my belly.”

Now—Jana was like, “I’m sorry… what did you say?”

And Violet just doubled down. “It’s. In. My. Belly.”

This girl has the confidence of a mafia hitman at age THREE.

Horrified, Jana asked, “What did you DO?”

And Violet? She doesn’t even flinch. She demonstrated. Hand in the tank, scoop motion, shove in the mouth— gobble gobble gobble. “In my belly.”

I mean, this is not some frat kid swallowing a goldfish on a dare. This is a toddler treating PetSmart like it’s an all-you-can-eat buffet.

Still trying to understand the psychology here, Jana asked: “Okay, but… what did it do in your mouth?”

And Violet—this kid deserves an Oscar—throws herself into a full performance. Flopping on the floor, arms slapping around, head wobbling like a bobblehead in an earthquake. Full interpretive dance of a fish’s final moments.

Half disgusted, half impressed. Jana asked, “Sweetie… what did it taste like?”

And Violet—without hesitation—goes: “Sushi.”

…This child is either destined to be a food critic or a Bond villain.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Really Just TWO?

Image
Camping is the life—especially when I’m the guest and others are responsible for all the work. We woke up to the sound of high winds rocking the camper, then… a huge crash! The awning. Yes, the awning. We had left it up, because why be sensible when the night is warm and balmy? It had been so hot that we hated following the “no generators after eleven pm” rule. We suffered in… not silence exactly, more like an Olympic-level flopping competition, twisting and turning to find some relief, drenched in sweat, like human puddles. Finally, a bit of relief as the wind quickly cooled everything down. And then—the huge crash! Oh no! The awning pole was bent just a little. Not catastrophic… yet. Clint, Pam's #4 sone swooped in like a tiny superhero and helped us get it down. By now, we were all soaked from the sudden rain, so really, what was the point of trying to stay dry? Survival mode: activated. Sweet Clint always the thoughtful one, brought us milk and cereal for breakfast. Tiny pr...
Read more

Fake Home Invasion

My daughter tells her husband and my grandsons, ‘Mema will be here tomorrow, so clean the house.’ Of course, the boys don’t do a thing. They’re gaming, chilling, living their best lives… until they realize' Mom  will be home in ten minutes.’ Suddenly, DEFCON 1 panic. What’s their solution? Do they grab a vacuum? No. Do they pick up the laundry? No. These geniuses go ' Let’s stage a home invasion. Maybe she’ll be so grateful she won’t care.’ They blacken Zak’s eye with shoe polish, tie him to a chair with a pillowcase over his head, scatter broken glass from the trash all over the floor—like a crime scene from CSI: Lazy Teenagers. And of course, Dad’s filming it. Because why clean when you can go viral? Brandy walks in, takes one look around, and goes, ‘What the hell?’ —and trust me, she does NOT normally cuss. She sets her bag down, pulls the pillowcase off Zak’s head… just shakes her head like, ‘This is my circus. These are my monkeys.’ Later, I’m watching the video and ...
Read more

Unrestrained Travis

Image
                                                       Unrestrained Travis    My brother Travis came to visit,  the same week, my mother-in-law passed away.    Perfect time for my kids to get to see Uncle Travis.    The morning of the funeral, we went to breakfast, Travis, my son, Montana,  daughter, son- in- law, grandsons and sister.    We googled a good place to eat near me. The Apple Barrel came up. 4.7 stars. That was the highest rated place with good friendly staff.   We are all dressed like we’re going to a funeral or maybe we’re a new band in town who knows?    “Travis, just behave for today.”   “I’ll try, but I’m not making any promises.”    Our family tries to be serious at a funeral.. We fail a lot.    My brother-in-law passed away a month ago. At th...
Read more