Pam's Secret Desire


  I'm at  The World’s largest Tri-State-Gas Engine and Tractor Show in Portland Indiana with one of my best friends, Pam.

  I did not know the woman had a secret desire toward me.... yeah... that's right... To KILL me.


   First we go to the Dollar General all is well until I round a corner and have a giant spider dangled in front of my face!! I screamed and jumped back, my brain tried to reason with my heart... it's a fake spider! 

   She just had to buy it to go on the front of our golf cart. It is NOT FALL... it is NOT time for Spiders to be in season.

 I didn't question her, she is my friend, it is her golf cart and now her spider.

  She let me drive I think she likes having a chauffer.    All is going well, until someone we passed said, "Hey did you know you have a spider on your windshield?"  I  was looking to kill me a little spider on my windshield... ARGH. Then I realized he meant the big hairy one. Yeah that one.


   It is still a beautiful cool summer morning, I wanted to try an Elephant Ear, if you've never had one, they are the best big pastry item. It takes two hands to hold it. Pam took over the driving the golf cart. Pam has a real life driver's license... or maybe not...I've not seen it, I could be very wrong.

   I got the bright idea, to send a Marco Polo to my cousin of this World’s largest Tri-State-Gas Engine and Tractor Show... Phone in one hand, Elephant ear in the other I seen the electric pole in the center of my phone screen as we journeyed along in "Men's World" as Pam calls it. mostly engines and parts for whatever a man could need. I thought I needed a mini bike for my grandsons until I felt a sudden jolt  as we crashed! INTO that pole! We’re leaving the scene of the crime err accident. I said stop and she did. Some guys came by and said oh go on, we can bend it back.  But did you see it is on my side of the golf cart? She tried to kill me... They were long gone before any words came out.

  We barely got going when we came face to face with this gigantic tractor with ten foot long forks.

 The man  stopped but we  weren't slowing down and again it is on MY side of the golf cart... all I could get out was "FORKS FORKS."

  I could just see us getting impaled on these gigantic forks, John and the boys would be like but how in thunder did you NOT see him? He's  nearly the biggest tractor here. They’d scold us severely,  take away our golf cart, and make us WALK around the forty acres of stuff we might not be able to live without and if we did find something we'd have to carry it!

   We swerved in time to miss the forks. The guy on the tractor was shaking his head like “They let you out for the day" I should have yelled back, We have to have her back by four 0'clock. But I didn’t think of it in time I was still trying to get over the shock of her trying to kill me TWICE within 2 minutes of letting her drive.

   I looked at her and thought maybe I should  toss the Elephant ear and take the wheel, when suddenly this guy was practically riding on our windshield. The spider was kissing him I'm sure. I yelled “GUY! GUY!" He heard me and leapt to safety.   If he hadn't our windshield was open and I'd probably had him on my lap. An unwelcome passenger!

   We do NOT pick up men this way...

       Oh yeah, I had to tell the family. One boy said ‘You tried to kill your PITY friend?”

    Another one commented, “You nearly got her forked? Some friend you are mom.”

 She claims to have had a little brain fog for five minutes.

   I'm not so sure I buy it. 

We are not done yet.... 

   The last morning. 

    Pam is up rattling around the small four feet by two feet of space in the camp trailer. No one else is up and about. If she would land somewhere, I could get up grab my clothes, dress in the bathroom, and get out of the way.  I gave up on her finding a place to park, I closed my eyes for a second and apparently I  dozed off. 

   The next thing I hear a whisper, "Geannii are you awake?"

 I opened my eyes and  she is nose to nose with me!! I screamed "AAAAAHHHH!!!" and said, "I am now, and I no longer need to use the bathroom.

  

  










  








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