Lost You Are


  I was on my way home from my friend's house two hours away. Van always drove us, now I use my GPS.

   I called my sister to visit while driving home, as I talked to her, I mentioned, I don't remember Road construction on the way down here.  

  My GPS was strangely silent, not saying a word, like she was gagged or something. I poked the button... Apparently someone forgot to put in an address... no wonder she wasn't yelling at me!

   Valerie: "Sounds like you're lost."

  Me: "Nope I'm still on the road heading north, I'm not lost, know right where I am... IN ROAD CONSTRUCTION."

   Dustin: Sounds like you might be lost.

   Me: Nope, I know where I'm going! I can't be lost! I might end up in Kansas..."

   Dustin, (her son):"you want us to put out an APB on ya?"

  Valerie: "Why would you put out an All Peanut Butter tracker on her?"

  Me thinking, you really are special. 

  Me: No worries I forgot to put in an address, I take a turn up here."

I had to lie and say I am the passenger before she will take my address. She is slightly hard of hearing, voice commands will take me to Texas. she has a fondness for Texas for some reason. Could be she wants to go to Texas and so far... that's not on my agenda.  Except for Texas Road House. "You want Sirius XM radio  let me get that for you... NO Texas Road House Food... yes Sirius XM Radio coming right up. Google and I fight a lot. 

   The GPS map on my 10 inch screen on my car dash has a huge green line and arrow to turn right here, so you can't miss the turn. she doesn't show any other way to go. The hi-way I am driving on doesn't exist on her map at this point, only that turn she insists I take right now! I take it.

    WRONG! Opps my bad, she should be saying as suddenly that huge arrow goes off my screen and it goes back to the hi-way I was on and another arrow it should have been the NEXT turn. Too late, I am on another interstate. I exit off, follow this white car, he makes a U-turn, I follow him.  Another huge green arrow get on here. I still trust her it has to be right... that white car is doing the same thing.

    WRONG again. oops my bad she seems to say as a huge green arrow pops up to take the next exit. The white car and I both take the next exit. 

   Apparently my GPS and his GPS are talking to one another not paying attention to what they should be doing!  We're still  continually lost. We go over the overpass, take a left... my GPS says take a left in 50 feet. The left turn is right HERE though...  I go past it following the white car... there IS no left turn after we pass the first one!!

   I left him on his own, whipped a U-turn in the middle of the road and  got back on the hi-way.

  I thought they would be updated by now, apparently not.

   Way back another time,  I had an old Garmin and I was lost in Dallas.

   Dallas has only one season... Road Construction. it has never been finished in over 25 years. My little Garmin kept telling me "Lost you are" in this Yoda voice. Dustin guessed right, it did have something to do with my Star Wars loving Son-in-law.

   Yoda wasn't much help as he kept saying:   Lost You Are!

   After 500 yards, Mm-hmm, Keep to the right, Control. Control. If a Jedi you wish to be. 

     Lost you are!!

      I know I'm lost stop giving me the same directions!

    Yoda did finally get me to "The Dark Side your final Destination. May the Force be with you."

    After I stopped and got a map.

    It's way more entertaining to just stay lost all the time. A map is way too easy  and way less entertaining.

    

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