I helped Mema Take a Bath


  

A Bright Idea (That Wasn’t)

Years ago, when my grandson Z was little, I wasn’t feeling well. Achy, tired. I thought: “Hot bath. That’ll fix me right up.”

The problem? The bathroom was on the third floor. My daughter was in the basement doing… who knows. Exercising, watching TV, maybe using that Virtual Headset I’m not allowed to touch unless supervised.

So naturally, my brain went here: “If I faint in the tub, no one’s gonna hear me.”

And then came the bright idea. (Which, for the record, is always dangerous. My bright ideas never end well.)

Enter Z, Age Four

Z was lying on the floor, watching cartoons on an old phone. I said:

“Hey buddy, Mema’s not feeling good. I’m not gonna lock the bathroom door. Could you sit outside, watch your cartoons, and if you hear me fall, run and get your mom? I’ll give you a dollar.”

Now, he was four. Didn’t know the value of money yet. To him, a dollar might as well have been a winning lottery ticket.

 I take my bath. Nothing happens. He gets his dollar. Everybody’s happy. End of story.

Or so I thought.

Public Humiliation, Courtesy of a Toddler

That night, Rob came home from work, and we all went out to dinner.

Middle of the restaurant—Z pulls out his dollar, waves it around like he just got paid by the mob, and yells:

“Mema gave me a dollar to help her get a bath!”

I froze. Rob’s glaring at me, eyes wide like: “WHAT?!” People are staring. I’m sputtering:

“No! No no no! I paid him to sit OUTSIDE the door! OUTSIDE!”

Meanwhile, my daughter Brandy is doubled over, crying with laughter.

And Z? Oh, he doubles down. “Yeah, Mema gave me a dollar to help her get a bath!”

Rob’s Reaction

Finally, Rob laughs and says:

“Geez, I thought you were making this poor kid scrub your back or something. I was like—she’s not even that old!”

Thanks, Rob. Very reassuring.

Generational Trauma

And just when I thought it couldn’t get worse, the oldest grandson chimes in:

“Yeah, I remember when I was really little, Mema was getting out of the shower. I picked the lock on the bathroom door. Still scarred for life.”

Perfect. Now it’s not just humiliation—it’s generational trauma over my naked body.

✨ Moral of the story? Never pay a four-year-old for silence. They’ll spend the rest of their lives making sure you don’t get it.

 


Comments

  1. AnonymousDecember 13, 2022 at 11:31 AM

    That's hilarious! I'm still laughing. SIL is a good sport.

    ReplyDelete

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