Fake Home Invasion

My daughter tells her husband and my grandsons, ‘Mema will be here tomorrow, so clean the house.’

Of course, the boys don’t do a thing. They’re gaming, chilling, living their best lives… until they realize' Mom will be home in ten minutes.’ Suddenly, DEFCON 1 panic.

What’s their solution? Do they grab a vacuum? No. Do they pick up the laundry? No. These geniuses go 'Let’s stage a home invasion. Maybe she’ll be so grateful she won’t care.’

They blacken Zak’s eye with shoe polish, tie him to a chair with a pillowcase over his head, scatter broken glass from the trash all over the floor—like a crime scene from CSI: Lazy Teenagers. And of course, Dad’s filming it. Because why clean when you can go viral?

Brandy walks in, takes one look around, and goes, ‘What the hell?’—and trust me, she does NOT normally cuss. She sets her bag down, pulls the pillowcase off Zak’s head… just shakes her head like, ‘This is my circus. These are my monkeys.’

Later, I’m watching the video and laughing so hard—because she was SO not impressed.

Then Zak, he’s 14, goes, ‘It’s not like I haven’t had a black guy before.’

I’m like—WHAT?! Excuse me?! You’re fourteen!?!

He repeats it—dead serious—‘It’s not like I haven’t had a black guy before.’

That’s when it hits me… He meant BLACK EYE.

I told him, ‘Kid, you need to learn to enunciate your words.’

He didn’t think it was funny. He jumps up, red-faced, yelling, ‘I am NOT gay!’

And I’m like… oh honey. You’re not gay. But you ARE probably grounded.”