The CSI: GAMERS EDITION

The suspects claim innocence, but the cat looks like he knows too much

                                

I wasn't here to witness the mayhem, but I did see the video.

My daughter tells her husband and my grandsons, “Mema will be here tomorrow, so clean the house.”  

Of course, the boys don’t do a thing. They’re gaming, chilling, living their best lives… until they realize: Mom will be home in ten minutes. DEFCON 1 panic.  

What’s their solution? Grab a vacuum? Pick up the laundry? Nope. Genius plan: stage a home invasion. Maybe she’ll be so grateful they're alive she won’t notice the mess. 

 

They blacken Captain Chaos eye with shoe polish, tie him to a chair with a pillowcase over his head, and scatter broken glass from the trash all over the floor. It was a crime scene straight out of CSI: Gamers Edition. And of course, Dad’s filming. Why clean when you can go viral? 

Brandy walks in, takes one look around, and goes, “What the hell?” (and trust me, she does NOT normally cuss). She sets her bag down, pulls the pillowcase off Captain Chaos head… and just shakes her head. 

This is my circus. These are my monkeys. 

Later, I’m watching the video, laughing because Brandy is completely unimpressed. Captain Chaos suddenly blurts out: “It’s not like I haven’t had a black guy before!”

I freeze. "WHAT?! You're just FOURTEEN! You've never had a black guy before?"

"Yeah Mema," he says, like he's explaining something to a toddler who needs crayons. "It's not like I've never had a black guy before."

By now, I know he means a black eye. Brandy hears it too. We lock eyes.

I repeat it back so he can hear what we’re hearing. “You haven’t had a black guy before?”

Captain Chaos, displaying Yoda-level patience, explains it again. Slowly. Carefully. “No, I’ve not ever had a black guy before.”

Brandy and I are now stuck in a loop like two parrots on one sentence: “You’ve never had a black guy before?”

Captain Chaos is getting more offended by the second. I take a deep breath and slow it way down so he can actually hear me:

“Really, Captain Chaos? You’ve never had a…” syllable by syllable, “Blaaack… GUY… before? Kid, you need to learn to enunciate your words.”

He loses it. Arms flailing. Spinning in a circle. Stomping his feet. Red-faced and voice cracking, he screams:

“I am NOT gay!”

We eventually explained it to him. He was not amused. We still are.