House Full of Google


     I took a slight detour on my way home from Tybee Island to see my grandsons.  I really miss them. 

     Rob, my son-in-law is very entertaining, I’ve heard him described as a white Chris Rock, I can see it.  For instance, one morning, the youngest Grandson crawled up on dad’s lap. (Z was 9 at the time.) Suddenly we had a ventriloquist.  Rob put his hand on the back of Z’s neck and told him to just open and shut his mouth while Dad did the talking. 

    Entertainment with our coffee. 

    Bedtime, I am in the basement. (Yes they keep Mema in the basement and toss her crumbs. Rob’s comment at one point.)

    The family lives in the basement. Big screen TV, gaming computers, Karaoke machine.( I was told DO NOT to touch the Karaoke machine without them present. They wanted to laugh.)  Really do not touch the Occulus RIFT ( a Virtual Reality headset) I might have a heart attack. (This from Z.)

    Bedtime, the family disappeared upstairs leaving me alone with this bright light filling the den from the giant screen TV  I looked for a remote to turn it off. Out of 3 remotes not one turned off the TV.

   I trekked all the way up one hundred and  fifty four steep steps to the kitchen hoping someone could tell me how to turn off the tv... all is dark except the fish tank in the corner. I asked the cat if he knew anything about turning off the TV. 

   The cat replied. "Meow" I took that as a no.

   I made my way through the house to  stare up at the  second set of one hundred and fifty four steep steps to the bedrooms. Garfield raced me to the top, he won as I dragged myself up the stairs hand over hand on the handrail  to Z's room. (M. is a full blown teenager. We leave him alone in his dungeon.)

    "Z" I huff and puff "can you turn off the TV."

    Z says, “tell Google you want to turn off the TV.” 

   Me: Yeah right.

   Z: Google, Basement TV OFF. 

    A voice from nowhere says. “Basement TV off.”

   Me: Thank you

    I made my journey back down the stairs.

  The cat looked at me like what kind of game is this? Are there treats?  He already knows I'm unsure of where things are in the house. Last time I was here, he was hungry winding around my feet meowing as I opened every cupboard door searching for food. He followed me until he realized, that wasn't getting him fed. Garfield sat in front of one door and rubbed his head on it. I opened that door " Cat Chow". I digress back to my story. 

    I made it to the basement. Relief! The TV is off... leaving the overhead lights on.  I can deal with overhead lights I am old school! I find the switch, it has a metal cover over it! What the what? NOOOO oh please tell me there is a way to shut off the lights without going all the way up the stairs to find Z!! 

   There was not. But I am a fast learner. 

    “Google turn off the lights”

    Silence...

   Not specific enough

    “Google Turn off Basement lights.”

    Silence.

   Google turn off the danged lights now or you might die a slow painful death. 

   Google “Don’t threaten me.

   WHAT now she talks. 

    Me: Google lights off

    Google: I don’t understand your command.

   Me: can you just guess a little

   Google : do you want to hear a joke?

   Me: NO I don’t want to hear a joke I want the lights out!!!

    Dang my IT son in law!! I had to call him in Belgium one time to turn on some heat here in Kansas! Now he has his whole house under his control!!

    I hitch up my pajama bottoms, to make that long trek up to Z’s room with a stop in the kitchen for a snack. Garfield came to wrap his body around my legs. I shared my snack, he sniffed at it and waited for me at the bottom of the stairs to race me to the top.

   Back in Z's room, "Can you turn off the basement lights?"

   Z: Google Basement lights off.”

  Me; “ That’s what I said, she don’t like me.”

   Z: That's  okay Mema they should be off now.”

   Me: Gee thanks kid. “

    I make it through the house, open the basement door... blackness greets me.  I reach for my phone... it is safely tucked on my bed... IN the basement. 

    I make my way back down the rest of the one hundred and fifty four steps forgot they had two more steps after the landing... that was a fast trip.

   Note to self, make Z sleep in the basement with you next time, even if it is a school night!!

    


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