Adventures with Geannii

 “So Buddy tempted me with two giant totes of clothes. And I’m thinking, can I use any of them? Oh my goodness — YES. This man dresses better than I do! I wanted to take them all. But then I remembered… oh yeah, I have two adult grandsons. How do you forget something like that? That’s not hindsight, that’s a senior moment wrapped in denial. So I filled a garbage bag full. Half for me, half for Marvin. And then I decided to take a walk. Did I want to? No. Why? Because it was HOT. Like Satan’s armpit hot. But I did it anyway, only went a mile and came home. And in case you missed it — it was HOT. After I stopped melting, we went to meet Jessica and the boys at a taco shop with some fancy Spanish name… like Taquiro del Blah Blah . I just called it “Taco-something.” On the way, we passed the Salvation Army. I said, ‘Are we stopping?’ Translation: ‘We are stopping.’ And it paid off. I got a Samsonite backpack for $6. SIX BUCKS! This thing holds two laptops, a Smashbook, probably a ...

 So July 13th was Rob’s birthday. I hopped on the family chat, told him happy birthday. He said thanks… then told his mom to keep an eye on me. Like Chris Farley on a road trip. ] Basically:  “Don’t let her eat glue or wander into traffic.”  And honestly? Fair. The morning was peaceful. I’m outside on the patio, breeze blowing, wind chimes going… and I’m thinking: “This is it. This is serenity.” And then I remember… oh no, church.  Nothing ruins inner peace like realizing you have exactly 17 minutes to look holy. I did my Spanish lesson—so if anyone needed salvation  en Español , I was ready. Buddy and I chatted with JoDee—she’s getting up earlier here. Which is wild. Usually, JoDee wakes up at noon like she’s auditioning to be a housecat. Church was great though. Everyone acted like they were glad to see us.  Which, in church terms, means they only judged us  a little bit. Tiffany invited us to dinner, but after the service… I bolted. Like full ninja ...

  I’m on the road again, headed to Colorado. I roll into this little town called Limon about 3:30. Now, my GPS didn’t say  Limon.  Oh no. It said:  “Arriving in… Leemon.”   I’m like… great. I really hope I didn't take the scenic route to another town. I'm supposed to be in LIME on. Not LEE mon.(both citrus fruits, I need the town) We check into the Quality Inn. Same place I stayed before. And listen—this motel bed? It hugged me tighter than my grandma at Christmas. Worth every penny. The staff was so nice, I was half expecting them to tuck me in and read me a bedtime story. Dinner was Arby’s—Hot Ham Melt, orange cream milkshake. Oh, it was delicious. For like, twenty minutes.  I spent the night in the bathroom, having the kind of spiritual experience you can only have with “Then my stomach launched a full-scale escape plan.” fluorescent lighting and bad decisions. By 2:30 a.m., I’m wide awake, the bathroom and I are more than first name basis. My new b...

 My great niece Jana… bought three guppies for her three kids. Real cute, right? Three kids, three fish, everything balanced. We’re talking  Pinterest-level parenting . Day one: one fish dies. Okay, sad, but it happens. Now they’re down to two Jana walked by the tank one day and—wait a second—there is only  one  guppy swimming around. No floater. No funeral. Just… one. Jana asked her daughter Violet, “Honey, what happened to the other guppy?” And Violet, without missing a beat, goes:  “It’s in my belly.” Now—Jana was like, “I’m sorry… what did you say?” And Violet just doubled down. “It’s. In. My. Belly.” This girl has the confidence of a mafia hitman at age THREE. Horrified, Jana asked, “What did you DO?” And Violet? She doesn’t even flinch. She  demonstrated . Hand in the tank, scoop motion, shove in the mouth—  gobble gobble gobble.  “In my belly.” I mean, this is not some frat kid swallowing a goldfish on a dare. This is a toddler treating Pet...

My daughter tells her husband and my grandsons, ‘Mema will be here tomorrow, so clean the house.’ Of course, the boys don’t do a thing. They’re gaming, chilling, living their best lives… until they realize' Mom  will be home in ten minutes.’ Suddenly, DEFCON 1 panic. What’s their solution? Do they grab a vacuum? No. Do they pick up the laundry? No. These geniuses go ' Let’s stage a home invasion. Maybe she’ll be so grateful she won’t care.’ They blacken Zak’s eye with shoe polish, tie him to a chair with a pillowcase over his head, scatter broken glass from the trash all over the floor—like a crime scene from CSI: Lazy Teenagers. And of course, Dad’s filming it. Because why clean when you can go viral? Brandy walks in, takes one look around, and goes, ‘What the hell?’ —and trust me, she does NOT normally cuss. She sets her bag down, pulls the pillowcase off Zak’s head… just shakes her head like, ‘This is my circus. These are my monkeys.’ Later, I’m watching the video and ...

                                                       Unrestrained Travis    My brother Travis came to visit,  the same week, my mother-in-law passed away.    Perfect time for my kids to get to see Uncle Travis.    The morning of the funeral, we went to breakfast, Travis, my son, Montana,  daughter, son- in- law, grandsons and sister.    We googled a good place to eat near me. The Apple Barrel came up. 4.7 stars. That was the highest rated place with good friendly staff.   We are all dressed like we’re going to a funeral or maybe we’re a new band in town who knows?    “Travis, just behave for today.”   “I’ll try, but I’m not making any promises.”    Our family tries to be serious at a funeral.. We fail a lot.    My brother-in-law passed away a month ago. At th...

 love my grandsons. Sometimes I have to make tough choices: watch a movie with my daughter… or play a game with the grandsons. And of course—the grandsons always win. We’re playing Sequence one night. By turn three, Z is already bored. I start rattling off names trying to get his attention: “Jimmy? John? Joe?” And he says, “Just call me Bob.” Big mistake. Because from that moment on—he was Bob. At first, he laughed. Then he politely asked us to stop. “That isn’t my name.” And we said, “Sure thing… Bob.” Now listen—there may have been a little wine involved. Okay, a lot of wine. Enough wine that we thought “Bob” was the funniest thing on the planet. Z did not think it was funny. He stormed upstairs. I go up to apologize, because he’s my baby—even if he is 13. I open the door, and there he is. Dead center on the bed, sitting cross-legged under a quilt, looking like the world’s saddest teepee.   II say, “I’m sorry, Z. I went too far.” And just when he’s about to forgiv...

      The Ground Moved (Literally) February 2024 began with a small gentle rocking that quickly turned into a hard-shaking rattle and roll. EARTHQUAKE! If that wasn’t enough to scare the heck out of me ( make you drop to your knees praying for forgiveness!! ), toss in a good old-fashioned thunder, lightning, and hail storm. Welcome to February. The groundhog didn’t see his shadow this year… I’m sure the weather had something to do with it. When he came out, all that storming and shaking scared him right back into his hole for another six weeks. It did me. Bag Lady at the Expo One of my friends — let’s call her Brenda — dragged me out of my cozy, safe comfort zone and forced me into the cold, cruel world. Sure, I need a swag bag full of junk, right? I promised myself I would not bring home anything I didn’t need. I need nothing. Yeah, right. This year, I started with my free reusable little bag — already kinda full of pens, chapstick, and candy. Then EXIT Realty ...

    Waking Up Naked and Afraid Darlin’ Daughter came down with COVID and was quarantined upstairs in her room. To keep us all connected, Darlin’ Son-in-Law (SIL) set up a little face chat from the living room with him and the boys. Somehow, the conversation turned to pillows. SIL said, “We should buy new pillows every year. Drool is a breeding ground for all kinds of undesirables. Hey B, show your mom your pillow.” Naturally, I expected to see a bed pillow. Nope. She pulled up one of those travel pillows and wrapped it around her neck like a giant orthopedic collar. The first thing out of my mouth? “Doesn’t that kind of hinder the romance department?” The look on SIL’s face—eyes darting, lips twitching—told me he had ten jokes lined up in his head, and not one of them was appropriate for a family call. Smart man. Instead, he quickly redirected: “Hey Zak show Mema your leg!” Smooth escape, SIL. Smooth. Zak lifted his pant leg and—oh my word—there was a long, ugly gash...

 I found from my old blog I think I had a sense of humor where did I put it? it must be in the extra closet with all those sox, shoes and other missing items I can't find in my life. The questions are designed, one would guess, to get insight into a person's real psyches 01. What is your favorite word? Christmas. I get as excited as a new bride. I know I'm gonna get something, I just don't know what or how much. 02. What is your least favorite word? Liver, just the word conjures up images makes me shiver and shudder. I think it has to do with taking a warm liver straight from the pig to the house in my bare hands. It took two of us, either we were that small, or it was that slimy doesn't matter! 03. What turns you on creatively, spiritually, or emotionally. My computer, I can turn it on, I can turn it off I can create, it makes me laugh it makes me cry it makes me an emotional wreck. 04. What turns you off? My computer when I can't get online. It makes  me laugh...